Remembering Those Forgetting
When I first met Jane her clear blue eyes stood out to me the most.
I had joined Penn’s Alzheimer’s Buddies—a group dedicated to weekly nursing home visits to develop meaningful relationships with residents who have dementia—and was anxious about my first visit with my buddy, Jane. Would she want to talk? Would she be able to remember me? What if she doesn’t like me?
As my mind ran through every possible scenario for our first meeting, it was those bright eyes that quelled my anxieties. Although she was hunched over in a wheelchair and perpetually hooked up to an oxygen machine, I could see an extroverted personality and spirit of vitality behind her gaze. Before I could even fully introduce myself, she motioned for me to sit on her bed, and the conversation began to flow naturally.
Truly, there was so much to talk about. She told me tales of her global travels as a young airline employee—“It’s easier for me to name the places I haven’t been,” she would say—of her walk with the Catholic faith—“My first confession after four years away from the Church was unfortunately with a really good-looking priest”—and of her friends and family—“All of my family lives out-of-state. I had a close friend, but she recently passed, and I haven’t had a good cry about it yet.” Every story was so potent with emotion, and I found myself enraptured by the sheer amount of expression this frail, brain-cancer-surviving lady had in her. The more she spoke, the more I wanted to listen. When she ended her stories with her signature phrase: “So, what’s new with you, boo-boo?”, I would be at a loss for words. What were my experiences compared to her epics of triumph and loss, of fear and faith?
So, I would bring the conversation back to her life and keep listening. When our time together was up, she would give me a warm embrace and say, “I really appreciate your visit. I’m so glad to have you as my friend.” It was then that I realized that no matter how much mental diseases take a toll on an individual, human nature still seeks companionship and connection.
It is all too easy to write off the elderly as “senile” or “childish” when in reality, there is truly a lifetime of experiences in each one of them, asking to be heard. My greatest takeaway is to listen more: there is so much wisdom to gain from the longest-living members of our society. The next time you see a senior citizen, look them in the eyes and let it flow from there.